We have two Wincos here in Salem (a west coast grocery chain, for those of you who’ve never heard of it)… and in my defense the two stores are laid out almost identically EXCEPT that the men’s and women’s bathrooms are placed in opposite positions at the two stores. In the south branch, the men’s room is on the right, and at the east store, the women’s room is on the right.

You see where I’m going with this?

Yeah… I walked right into the women’s room at the east store. (…and if I may further my attempt at self-exoneration, I’d just gotten off an uncustomary graveyard shift…) An honest mistake, I think. But what I can’t forgive, the part that’s really embarrassing, was that I didn’t realize my mistake (I was really very tired). I thought it was weird that there weren’t any urinals on the wall, but the reason for this unique layout didn’t occur to me (super, super tired). THEN, I stood in the stall, with the door unclosed behind me and stared at a sanitary napkin dispenser for a minute or two, something I’ve never seen in a public restroom, trying to figure out what it was (I was freaking exhausted!). I thought to myself: “What is going on? Sanitary napkins?! Men don’t use those. Those idiots put sanitary napkins in the men’s… Ohhhh… OH! OH HOLY FUCK!!!!”

Unfortunately, by the time the shocking realization bitch-slapped me across the face, I had already begun what I’d come in there for and I had to wait until I was done, which seemed an eternity. Then I calmly zipped up, gathered my dignity, and strutted past the ladies at the sink, like I had every right to be there. I paused only a moment… trying to decide whether I should wash my hands.

I got out of that store so fast, people only caught a blur.

…I still need to pick up dog food.